Not In a Million Years!
by hpfan99
Summary: Have you wondered what Voldemort does in his free time? It's probably the last thing you are expecting. Join some death eaters, as they attempt to 'rescue' Voldemort from something in Voldemort's room! Plz read and review...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi! I just felt like writing this...**

**Have you wondered what Voldemort does in his free time? It's probably the last thing you are expecting. Join some death eaters, as they attempt to 'rescue' Voldemort from something in Voldemort's room! Plz read and review...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyting from Harry Potter

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Behind Closed Doors

The room was dark. It was lit up, dimly, with lamps and candles and was richly furnished.

It was, also, wide and could probably fit at least three hundred people in it. Or rather, three hundred men and women in black robes with masks covering their faces. In other words, Death Eaters.

It was past midnight. Most of the Death Eaters were in their homes or a cell in Azkaban. But a few in the Inner Circle remained in the large castle that belonged to Voldemort. The castle was covered by clouds and mist. Only few knew where it truly was. Before the downfall of Voldemort, the castle had been called, "The Lightning Bolt" but after Harry Potter had beat him, Voldemort had angrily changed it to "The Dark Tower".

But that is another story.

Anyway, most of the Death Eaters were gone and only a select few were staying in the castle. These included: Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, Peter Pettigrew, Severus Snape, and Rodolphus Lestrange.

Lucius Malfoy was sitting on a couch, writing a letter to his wife and son.

Snape was reading, The Potion 'Zine, and was furiously muttering to himself about 'know-nothing-fools-who-made-out-they-know-everything-about-potions'.

The Lestranges could be heard arguing, with words leaking out, such as, "Stupid mudbloods", "Why did I ever marry you, you bloody muggle!" and "For the love of Merlin! Will you go jump of a cliff!"

Pettigrew was curled up on the floor, sleeping... and unfortunately drooling on the shiny marble floor.

Everything was quiet and peaceful(well, except for the Lestranges who were, now, shouting).

Everyone was minding their own buisness(again, except for the Lestranges).

_"**UU-OOOH-U!**"_

A sudden sound rippled over the castle.

Lucius Malfoy leapt up, quill and parchment falling on the floor.

Snape, also, leapt to his feet, whipping his wand out.

The Lestranges stopped bickering, immediately and sat up.

Pettigrew stopped sleeping and drooling. He opened his eyes, slowly and jumped up.

There was silence.

"W-what was that?"Pettigrew stuttered, fearfully.

As if telling him the answer, the sound came again. But this time, it was different.

_"**AH-AH-AH-YEAH!**"_

Almost instantly, the death eaters threw their hands over their ears.

"Um... I think it's a banshee!"Rodolphus Lestrange cried. His wife, Bellatrix, snorted and whacked him on the head.

"You bloody idiot! What would a banshee be doing in a castle?"Bellatrix snapped at him.

There was a few minutes silence.

_"**UU-OOOH-U!**"_

The sound came, again.

"IT'S A WEREWOLF!"Snape and Malfoy screamed.

"A WEREWOLF? AHHH! HELP ME! MUMMY, DADDY! REMUS HAS COME AFTER ME! MERLIN, HELP ME!"Pettigrew screamed, falling onto the floor, sobbing.

Bellatrix clumped him, hard, over the head. Pettigrew whimpered in pain.

"You fools! You call yourself purebloods? IT'S NOT EVEN FULL MOON!"Bellatrix screamed, in frustration.

"Let's go and see what it is!"Snape snapped.

The other four, curiously, followed him. They walked down a dark hallway.

_"**...LIFE IN PLASTIC...!**"_

They all jumped in terror.

"Plastic? What's that? Is it Harry Potter? No! He's come to kill me!" Pettigrew screamed in terror.

"SHUT UP!"The other four hissed at him.

"Merlin's beard! Keep your stupid mouth SHUT!" Bellatrix hissed.

Once again, Pettigrew cowered in fear.

"Tell me, Pettigrew. How did you get into Gryffindor? I thought they were supposed to be brave?"Lucius sneered.

Pettigrew merely gave a squeak of fear.

"Shut up, all of you!"Snape snapped. "That noise sounds like it came from near our master's chamber!"

Bellatrix's eyes widened."No! What if something got him! We have to save him!"

"Who are you? Harry Potter running along to save the world?"Rodolphus sneered, rudely.

Bellatrix gave him a look that could kill. "If we save him, think of the rewards we will get! We will be known as his most faithful servants!" She exclaimed.

"Oooh! Rewards! Money!"Lucius sang, happily.

"Potions!"Snape smirked, his eyes gleaming.

"Fame!"Rodolphus smiled.

"Rats!" Pettigrew sang, jumping up and down.

This caused the other four to look at Pettigrew, as if he was mad.

Suddenly, Bellatrix leapt up. "WHAT ARE WE STILL DOING HERE?"

The five death eaters began to rush towards Voldemort's private chamber. They ran as if they wanted to win the gold medal in the olympics.

They were only two corridors away, when they stopped, gasping for breath.

**_"...LET'S GO PARTY!..."_**

The shrieking sound half deafened them. But it woke them up.

"PARTY?"Bellatrix shrieked."HE WAS HAVING A PARTY AND HE DIDN'T INVITE ME! I'M HIS MOST FAITHFUL SERVANT!"

The others groaned in impatience. Rodolphus grabbed her, and the five began to make their way to Voldemort's chamber.

Now, they were right outside Voldemort's room. They looked at each other, nervously.

There were weird noises coming from the room. Lucius pressed his ear to the door. But really, there was no need, because a second later-

**_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation Come on Barbie, let's go party!_**

**_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation_**

The five death eaters nearly fainted in shock.

"WHAT IS THIS?"Snape roared over the terrible shrill.

"I DON'T KNOW!"The four yelled back.

They carried on listening.

_**I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,  
kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky.  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"**_

_**(uu-oooh-u)**_

_**I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation**_

_**Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)**_

"WHAT IS THIS "BARBIE"?"Bellatrix shrieked over the horrible music.

"Barbie is a wonderful doll made for muggle children! You can play with it and dress it up!"Pettigrew piped up, eagerly.

The other four stared at him.

"How do you know?"Lucius sneered, looking at him in obvious disgust.

**_Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,  
hit the town, fool around, let's go party You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"_**

"WHATEVER THIS BARBIE IS, IT'S TRYING TO CONTROL OUR MASTER! WE MUST HELP HIM!"Bellatrix screamed, desperately.

"OK! ON THE COUNT OF FIVE!"Snape yelled, back.

_ONE_

_TWO_

_THREE_

_FOUR_

_FIVE!_

The death eaters blasted the door open. They were ready for a fight.

But what they weren't ready for was their master in shiny pink robes, swinging his hips to the music as he sang(or rather shrieked) into a pink microphone.

Which was exactly what was happening.

"_**Come on Barbie, let's go party!"**_Voldemort screamed.

_**"AH-AH-AH- WHAT?"**_

He stopped.

He saw five exhausted death eaters, with their hands clutching over their ears.

"Wha-what... WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"Voldemort screamed in anger.

The five death eaters finally realised that their master was not singing, anymore.

"M-ma-master..."Bellatrix began to stutter.

"Master! You like Barbie, too? Yay! We can play together!"Pettigrew shrieked, happily.

"Oh really? _Crucio_! HOW DARE YOU COPY ME! I LIKED BARBIE, FIRST!" Voldemort screamed.

Pettigrew screamed in pain, and began to sob.

"Now, GET OUT, ALL OF YOU!"Voldemort screamed.

The five death eaters rushed to the exit and ran for their lives.

Voldemort repaired the door and locked it. He unscrolled a poster of Barbie. He attatched it to the door and smiled at it, fondly.

He continued singing in peace.

**_Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)_**

**_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation_**

Many miles away, in Surrey, Harry Potter opened his eyes.

His scar was burning.

He sat up, quickly.

He thought about the abnormal vision that he'd just had.

_Voldemort? Barbie?_

Harry began to laugh. He laughed harder than he ever had.

"WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT, BOY?"A sudden voice yelled.

Harry groaned. Trust Uncle Vernon to ruin his moment of happiness.

He went back to sleep, thinking,"_Now, that couldn't have happened... Not in a million years_."

But what Harry Potter didn't know was... It really DID happen!

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**A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed it... Reviews will be really appreciated... I don't mind critisism...:)**

**hpfan99**


	2. Author's Note

**A/N: I forgot to put that the song, "Barbie Girl" doesn't belong to me... It belongs to Aqua, though Voldy insists that it belongs to him...**


End file.
